A Certain Girl's Journal
by ownitlikeaboss
Summary: I'm going to be completely honest, I really don't know how to describe this. So just give it a shot. It's really short so it shouldn't really take too much time XP Warning for slightly depressing theme? sorta-ish? meh. I really don't know just try reading it.


When's the last time I went swimming?

I don't know. Two years? Maybe three.

It's weird since I used to go swimming almost every week.

Why did I stop?

Well, at first, not for any reason in particular.

Maybe it was just self-consciousness.

But now, it's different.

Actually, I love the water. I always have. Ever since I was little. I feel weightless and free in water. Swimming came to me as naturally as breathing.

Now as I sit next the pool, the air stuffy filled with the familiar smell of chlorine, I have the largest urge to just jump in and surround myself in blue.

So why did I stop?

There a secret I hide from everyone. No one knows, not even my parents. I know it's stupid to write in here, so I won't. Although no one will really read this anyway. Just as a precaution I guess.

I don't understand why people will write down their darkest secrets. Once something is written, the whole entire world can see it. If you keep it to yourself, no one will ever know.

Just like how girls tell their friends their crushes. "Don't tell anyone." That's what they say. Don't they know that those are the key words to spreading a rumor? It doesn't matter who you tell, word will get out over time. You can't trust anyone. Just yourself. That's why I never tell anyone what I'm really thinking. I just keep all my secrets and thoughts locked up in my mind where no one will ever be able to reach them.

Maybe this will be my downfall. I feel like someday I'm just going explode after holding back all my emotions for so long. There are so many people I hate that I pretend to like. There have been on many times that I've held back my anger just to be the quiet girl everyone thinks I am.

Say, is it normal for someone to hurt themselves? It's been happening since I was a kid. These moments where I'm just completely depressed. At first they happened maybe once every two years. Now though, they have been happening so much more often. During those times, maybe that little part of my brain that's still sane decides to try and tug me out of it. I claw myself. Mostly my left arm. I don't really know why. Maybe to make sure I'm still there. What bothers me the most is that I don't feel anything. No matter how much I hurt myself I won't feel it.

The last time this happened was during class. I didn't realize what I was doing until the bell rang, signaling the end of school.

Ugh. It's hot.

I hate it. It's too humid sitting by the side of the pool.

Which brings me back to swimming.

My friends are being idiots while splashing around. These people are the few that I genuinely like. I wouldn't be here if I didn't.

Birthday parties. I don't like going to them to be honest. The fact that I'm actually here means a lot. Most of the time I make up an excuse. It's usually because I'm too lazy to go get a present. I just feel like there's no point if I don't really like the person in the first place.

Really though, I don't regret coming here. Actually I'm enjoying myself quite a bit. Laughing and being an idiot, it's something I haven't done in a while. These are the only people I can act stupid around. Everyone else's expectations are too high. It's exhausting trying to fill all of them. These people really couldn't care less. They accept me for me, as cheesy as that sounds.

And to be honest, I'm happy watching them act like idiots. It makes me remember that, some of the simple things in life are the things that we should live for. Getting through every day as it comes. It'll take a while, but this is the way I want to live.

I don't want to worry about the future anymore.

Ahhh they really do look stupid trying to balance on the blow up alligator. Don't they know they can't possibly cram three people onto that thing?

Oh, they're trying again.

…Eh? They actually did it.

Heh.

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.

.

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Idiots.


End file.
